try again i will

[timtam]

Two hippos are sitting in some thick, deep, malodorous mud.  One says to the other: "You knowthe trouble with you:  You're lazy.  You're fat.  You're small.  And all you do all day is sit in a swamp.
And the other says: "Don't be so bloody hippocritical."

[timtam]

A drunk walks into a crowded pub and takes the last barstool, next to an older woman.  After a while, the woman starts to smell a horrible odour coming from the direction of the drunk.  She turns to him and says "Excuse me Mister, but did you just shit yourself?

The drunk replies" "Yes ma'am, I have indeed shit myself."

The women says: "Well, why don't you go somewhere and clean yourself up?"

The drunk says: "Cos I'm not finished yet  ..."

[timtam]

"Doctor, doctor, I need some pills.  I've become a kleptomaniac."
"Try these. 
And if they don't work, get me a CD player"

"I've been feeling very, very depressed lately.  In fact, when I woke up this morning I felt so bad that I decided to kill myself by taking six aspirins."

"What happened?"

"Well after the first two I felt much better."